Our first Christmas concert

Today Ledger had his first Christmas concert. It was for his preschool program that he’s in. There were 36 children and if I had to guess, then I would say about 100 guests!
His teachers we’re so very accommodating! They asked for any pointers or helpful hints that may help him through the morning; they were more than accepting when I asked if we could wait until show time to arrive so that we could eliminate waiting periods; and they even saved us a seat at the front incase he needed an escape off of the stage. They’re all so kind and considerate!!
All of the children came out on the stage together and Ledger waited with his support worker until the other students were all lined up. He stood off to the side and down off the stage, holding on to a Mater dinky car, and smiled as he heard his new friends, and some cousins, sing along to three Christmas songs. His support worker held him close, got him to wave to us he even got him to stand up on the stage for a short time.
I’ve got to be honest…I tried hard…and I very proudly and successfully swallowed the lump in my throat and the tears in my eyes. Having a child with autism as their super power, means mom has a super power too. It’s called super-duper-roller-coaster emotions. They’re uncontrollable and super unpredictable. It’s heartbreaking to see that he can’t tolerate being on stage because he can’t stand still. Or that he can’t sing along to the lyrics with his cousins and his new found friends (who are so happy to see him every Tuesday and Thursday morning) because he can’t find the words to sing along. Or maybe because during Christmas you see the excitement in the other little children’s eyes but he can’t understand the magic of the elf on the shelf, or of Santa, or the joy of gifts, because his brain doesn’t allow him to display that sense of wonder and imagination.
But those crazy mom emotions are diminished by even greater ones. The emotion of pure pride, and joy, and love! He’s my boy :). I am so proud that got up there on stage, and that he stood in front of a room with 100 loud parents with bright camera flashes, and a strange man in a bright red suit with a large white beard! He very easily could have froze at the door and not gone in. Or maybe thrown himself on the stage, or even worse hit his support worker because of sensory overload. But he didn’t. He was smiling! He was happy! And that is what gave me the lump and the tears in my eyes. I held them back, and I will many times over the holidays through the up and downs of the Christmas season. But if you do see a tear fall, or almost fall, look at Ledger’s face instead of mine. He’s probably smiling and my tears are only a display of that pride, joy and love we all have for such a sweet little boy.

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12 thoughts on “Our first Christmas concert

  1. As I read this blog….the tears coming down my cheeks….I think of how proud we are to say that Ledger is our grandson!….he was a rockstar today!!……he was happy and we can see in his eyes that he enjoys his time with his preschool friends……..You and Jeff are doing such a wonderful job bringing Ledger up as a Happy loving little boy!!
    It was a wonderful day watching all three of our grandchildren on the stage today!!

    It made my day as I was putting Ledger’s jacket on getting him ready to go home and he reached up and gave me a kiss and hug!!

    We’re all so proud of you.

    Love you…….Mom & Dad!!

  2. Great job Ledger! Ash this made me cry tears of joy as well for you! Tears for success are the best tears to be running down our cheeks! You are raising an amazing little boy! Autism moms that take nothing for granted in our children deserve to Shead tears of joy much harder and frequent! We work hard for those lumps in our throats and water In our eyes! 😉

  3. Catching up on your posts, and realize that they are a bit blurry now after reading this one! So happy to see the smile on his face in this picture… I hope that both you and Ledger had a fantastic 1st Christmas concert day!

  4. You are such an amazing Mom! I am always so impressed when I read your blog at how well you can express what you feel, and Ledger is such a lucky duck! He looks like he was so happy 🙂

  5. WAY TO GO LEDGER, what a proud moment for you mom, and having tears is not a sigh of weakness but JOY,HAPPINESS AND LOVE. and you have all that and more for your children. He is a very happy boy, and I like others reading this had tears along with you. He has come along way Ashley, be proud and show it.

  6. What an amazing day, Ashley. One you will remember with smiles for many years to come. It is the first of many Christmas concerts for Ledger and if his smile gets bigger every year, he will be grinning in the back of his head. Be proud of yourself, too.

  7. You love you can see the happiness exuding from him. I’m so glad he loves his preschool and got to experience his Christmas concert!

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